The Fujin Kazeno Show
by GodOfTheWired
Summary: Our dearest Fu-sama gets her own talk show! Another chapter!
1. Default Chapter

Hey there people! My first fic on fanfiction.net! Hurray! Well.. I don't own FF8, nor Fujin.. in actuality.. I am only own a ferret and a box of raisins. If you want the box of raisins, feel free to sue.   
And so.. we get on with the show..   
  
  
  
  
  
  
The Fujin Kazeno Show   
  
Author: Thank you all for joining us! This is yet another one of those wonderful ideas that sprout up in my demented little head. So sit back, and I personally welcome you all to the Fujin Kanezo show!   
  
  
Fujin: VIEWERS, WELCOME. RAIJIN?   
  
Raijin: Huh? Ohh right! Now's where I announce the guests tonight, ya know. Right Fu-sama?   
  
Fujin: RAGE! RAIJIN, MORON!   
  
Raijin: Oww! Jeez! I didn't deserve that, ya know… well our first guest tonight is….. ::Whispering:: Could you raise that cue card a little higher ya know?   
  
Fujin: Grrrrrrrrr…   
  
Raijin: There ya go, ya know! Our first guest tonight is… Rinoa Heartilly, ya know!   
  
Fujin: Of all the stupid, retarded people in the game it just had to be WELCOME, RINOA!   
  
Rinoa steps out onto the stage.   
  
Rinoa: Hi there!   
  
Raijin: Wow! I could cut down a tree with those legs, ya know!   
  
Fujin: BOTHERING, GUEST!!   
  
Raijin: There's no need to screech at me like that, ya know.   
  
Seifer, who is operating the camera, takes this moment to pop up.   
  
Seifer: You think she's bad now? You should see her in the sack! She lets out this glass shattering screech when you lick..   
  
Fujin(Blushing a bright red): RAGE!! SEIFER SHUT UP!!!!!   
  
Fujin hurls her coffee mug at Seifer, clocking him in the head.   
  
Rinoa: Hey! I thought I was supposed to be the guest here!   
  
Fujin: OH! GUEST, RIGHT! HOW LIFE?   
  
Rinoa: Great! I'm currently dating Squall, the commander of SeeD! Him and me have saved the earth from evil sorceress's!…. Ohh hi there Seifer honey!   
  
Seifer tries desperately to hide himself.   
  
Rinoa(Turning to Fujin): He was always such a great lover! Seifer would do the cutest thing when we went out on dates. He really likes it when you nibble on his left ear lobe and…   
  
By this point, Fujin's left eyebrow is twitching.   
  
Fujin: RAGE!!   
  
Fujin presses the 'Reject' button on her desk, and Rinoa gets catapulted through the ceiling.   
  
Raijin: See see?! I told ya you'd use that button, ya know! Can I get my candy now Fu-sama?!   
  
Fujin calmly hands Raijin the package of candy corn.   
  
Raijin: Yeeesss! I love candy corn!   
  
Seifer: Hey Fu-chan, now's when you do your special segment just before the commercial.   
  
Fujin: AFFIRMATIVE!   
  
……………………………………………………………………………….   
  
Announcer(Formerly known as the author): And now it's time for… Fu Thinks. The segment where Fu-sama tells you how she feels about life and humanity.   
  
Camera cuts to Fujin, sitting in front of a red velvet curtain. Fujin clears her throat, then picks up the mike. Camera zooms in on Fujin's face.   
  
Fujin: Hello good viewers, and welcome to Fu Thinks. Today, we will be discussing people that build protective barriers around themselves to protect themselves from emotional pain. These people must realize that this isn't a way to protect yourselves. Running from your pain only brings more pain. Furthermore…   
  
The camera suddenly moves down and zooms in on Fujin's crotch. Seifer can be heard chuckling in the background. Fujin looks over on the monitor and sees where the camera is pointing.   
  
Fujin(Blushing again): RAGE!!! SEIFER ASSHOLE!!!   
  
Fujin thens dashes at the camera, and beats Seifer. The camera falls to the floor, focusing on Fujin's feet which are kicking Seifer in the ribs. Curses and screams of horror can be heard in the background. Raijin then begins trying to break up the scuffle.   
  
Announcer: Thank you for joining us for, Fu Thinks.   
  
Suddenly, Raijin screams.   
  
Raijin: NOOOO!!! Not my candy corn, ya know!! Why hyne, why?!


	2. Zell, yaois, and author manipulation oh ...

Author's Notes: Hey hey people! Me again, and I just keep on writing! Well just sayin, I own none of the characters in this fanfiction, nor do I own FF8... so please leave me be. Also, do refrain from flaming me as I will simply ignore it.. and do review! I'd appreciate it greatly. Thanks.   
  
  
  
  
  
  
The Fujin Kazeno Show   
  
Announcer: GOOOOOOD MMMOOOOORRRRRRRNIIINNNGG VIETNAM!!! Oh wait anywho, welcome once again loyal viewers to the Fujin Kazeno Show, the only show out there hosted by a lovely lady with a speech impediment! And now, here's the vocally challenged one herself HEEERRREEEEEEE'SSS FUJIN!!   
  
Fujin walks out to her desk, sipping at the coffee mug in her hand.   
  
Fujin: WELCOME, VIEWERS!   
  
Raijin: Hey there again everybody, ya know!   
  
Seifer: Yeah yeah.. why do I have to work the damn   
camera!? I hate cameras! I could do a better job as your co-host then Raijin could..   
  
Raijin: No you couldn't, ya know! This job is really hard ya know!   
  
Seifer: What job?! You stand there and make mistakes that Fujin has to correct!   
  
The two glare at each other, sparks shooting from their eyes.   
  
Announcer: Uhh guys.. Look out!!   
  
Throughout the whole argument, Fujin has slowly been getting angrier. She picks up her own chair and throws it at Seifer and Raijin, taking out both of them.   
  
Fujin: RAGE!!   
  
Fujin manages to calm herself as she sips from her coffee. Another chair is brought out for Fujin.   
  
Fujin: WHERE GUEST?   
  
Raijin's head pops out of the mass on the floor.   
  
Raijin: Our guest.. is Zell Dincht... ya know..   
  
Fujin: (Finally, no more annoying people!) WELCOME ZELL.   
  
Zell comes out from backstage to absolute silence. Crickets are heard chirping in the background.   
  
Zell: Oh you people just can't appreciate a good fighter! It's not like it matters anyways... soon this show will be mine!! HAHAHA!!   
  
Fujin and Seifer: .....   
  
Raijin: .... Ya know..   
  
Zell: Oh you doubt me huh?! I'm famous! I have tons of money!   
  
Fujin: MONEY? WHERE?   
  
Zell: Don't you know? I get posted in tons of fanfics! And due to the fact that the game never gave the Librarian girl with the pigtail a name, it's mostly yaois!They pay you tons of money to star in those things! I have more then enough to buy this show! HAHAHA!!   
  
Fujin: ..SURE.   
  
Raijin: Wow.. I wonder why I never appear in these fics? Hey Seifer, what's a yaoi?   
  
Seifer: Uggggh... something you don't wanna know about moron..   
  
Fujin suddenly stands up and walks backstage, where the announcer/author is sitting at his computer, typing and sipping his soda.   
  
Fujin: You do realize how OOC Zell is right now, right?   
  
Announcer: Yes I do... I am testing new things.. this is just to see how the audience will react to the new Zell.. if they like him or hate him lets me know how to write him from now on.   
  
Fujin: Yeah I know.. but Zell's usually a moron on his own. Now he's an overconfident moron and it's agitating. Keep it up author boy and I'll lock you in a closet.   
  
Announcer: Okay okay! Enough with the threats..   
  
Fujin: I swear.. one of these days..   
  
Fujin walks back out to the stage to find Zell sitting at her table, his feet up on her desk.   
  
Zell: This is nice..   
  
Fujin: RAGE!!!   
  
Fujin begins beating down on Zell, as the camera cuts for a commercial break.   
-----------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
Announcer: Due to several deposits made to my bank account, I welcome you to the Zell Dincht Show! And HEEEEEEEREEEE'SSS..   
  
Fujin's coffee mug comes flying at speeds matching light and cracks the author in the head.   
  
Announcer: Ugggh... right.. and now it's time for Ask Fu, where you send in your questions and our dear Fu-sama will answer them for you, the audience!   
  
Fujin: RAIJIN! FIRST LETTER!   
  
Raijin: Okay Fu-sama! The first letter reads:   
  
Dear Fu-sama,   
I just wanted to say how much I love you Fu-sama! You are far superior to all the other girls in the game not to mention you are by far the most attractive! I worship the very ground you walk on Fu-sama!   
Signed,   
Hopeless Romantic   
  
Fujin: HOPELESS HAVE SENSE   
  
Seifer: Cough.. suck up.. cough..   
  
Raijin: Okay then, the next letter is from anonymous.. that's a pretty odd name, ya know.   
Anyhow, it reads..   
  
BOOYAKA! Hey there Miss Disciplinary Committee! I just wanted to say I think you are like SUPER sexy! You are like the hottest thing, like ever!   
  
Fujin(A look of horror plastered on her face):.....   
  
Seifer: Lesbians! Kick ass!   
  
Fujin: PERVERT!   
  
Fujin gets up to beat Seifer down, when suddenly, Seifer's eyes become big and he runs up and hugs Zell.   
  
Seifer: Oh Zell! I want you to know that I love you! I always have loved you!   
  
Zell: I love you too Seifer!   
  
As the two hold their embrace, Fujin stands up and walks backstage, where screams and yelling can be heard.   
  
Fujin: We've had enough of your experimenting!   
  
Announcer: Come see the violence inherited in the system! Help help! I'm being repressed!   
  
The camera starts fading to black as Fujin drags the author to the nearest closet, the author all the while kicking and screaming. Raijin stands in the middle of the stage.   
  
Raijin: I still don't know what a yaoi is, ya know.. 


	3. Fu Helps Couples!... Robots and death en...

Author's Notes: I just keep on updating! It's becoming an everyday occurance. Well as usual, I own nothing from FF8, characters included. And also I don't own the FFVII characters I use either. Sadly, the ferret I own passed away after choking on the box of raisins, so I now own nothing. Trying to sue me is pretty pointless now..Anywho on with the show!   
  
  
  
The Fujin Kazeno Show   
  
Announcer: Welcome yet again loyal viewers! It's time once again for the Fujin Kazeno show! Today is a very special episode though, because today Fu will be helping couples that require her assistance. So here she is, the depressed queen of love herself.. HEEEEEEEERRRREEEE'SSSS FUJIN!   
  
Fujin: WELCOME.   
  
Raijin: Hey there again, ya know. I can't wait to start the show ya know.   
  
Seifer: Yeah yeah.. Fu is gonna help a bunch of pansies that can't score.. it's very touching stuff..   
  
Fujin: RAGE! ::Kick:: NOT PANSIES!   
  
Seifer: Owww! Jeez.. yeah whatever.. let's just do this..   
  
Fujin: WHO FIRST?   
  
Raijin: Let's see.. the first couple tonight in none other then FFVII's Cloud and Tifa, ya know!   
  
Cloud and Tifa walk out onto the stage and sit in their seats.   
  
Both: Hello.   
  
Fujin: SO, WHAT PROBLEM?   
  
Cloud: She hates me.   
  
Tifa: I think he still loves Aeris.   
  
Cloud: You're just jealous of her!   
  
Tifa: Jealous?!   
  
Raijin: Well guess what you two? Fu-sama brought a special gift for you two, ya know!   
  
Fujin: WELCOME, AERIS!   
  
Aeris walks out, heading straight to Cloud and kisses him. Tifa jumps up from her chair, being restrained by Raijin.   
  
Tifa: You god damn dead bitch! Come here so I can kick your wussy healer ass!   
  
Aeris: You're just jealous because I have Cloud and a better figure then you!   
  
Tifa: A better figure?! You're flatter then an airplane hanger!   
  
Seifer runs in and looks closely at Aeris's chest, then at Tifa's.   
  
Seifer: ::Drooling:: Yeah.. Tifa has quite the rack on her..   
  
Fujin: PERVERT!   
  
As the arguing and screaming, ass-kicking and name calling continues, no one seems to notice Sephiroth as he jumps down from the rafters and jams his sword through Aeris's back.   
  
Cloud: Noooooooo!   
  
Sephiroth: Hahaha! I did it again! Mwahahaha!   
  
Sephiroth quickly runs off stage.   
  
Cloud: Why god why?! Oh well... Hey Tifa, ya wanna go backstage and shag?   
  
Tifa: Sure!   
  
The two also leave.   
  
Raijin: Well.. That was.. kinda.. ya know..   
  
Seifer: Unexpected..   
  
Fujin: ...RIGHT. WHO NEXT?   
  
Raijin: Let's see.. next is Squall Leonheart and Rinoa Heartilly!   
  
Fujin: Rinoa?! I sent her into the stratosphere two fanfictions ago!   
  
Fujin looks backstage and glares at the author.   
  
Announcer/Author: What do you want? It's late and I'm tired. Leave me alone please..   
  
Fujin: Oh well.. WELCOME!   
  
Squall and Rinoa walk out to the stage and have a seat.   
  
Rinoa: Hi again!   
  
Squall: ..Whatever.   
  
Fujin: WHAT PROBLEM?   
  
Rinoa: I've come to realize my Squall is a bit unsocial..   
  
Squall: ..Whatever.   
  
Raijin: Hmm..   
  
Seifer: Hmmmm..   
  
Fujin: BEEN NICE?   
  
Rinoa: Yes of course.   
  
Squall: ..Whatever.   
  
Raijin: I think he's a robot, ya know!   
  
Seifer smacks Raijin upside the head.   
  
Fujin: TRIED SEX?   
  
Rinoa: He never wants to.. despite all my efforts and all the lingerie, he isn't attracted.   
  
Fujin: GAY?   
  
Rinoa: No.. I doubt it..   
  
Raijin: I'm telling ya.. he's a robot, ya know.   
  
Seifer smacks him again.   
  
Squall: ..Whatever.   
  
Fujin: NO ADVICE.   
  
Seifer suddenly turns towards Raijin.   
  
Seifer: Say he's a robot again and I'll beat you so bad..   
  
Raijin: But he is ya know! I swear it!   
  
Seifer jumps on Raijin and begins pounding him. Fujin breaks up the scuffle.   
  
Raijin: Huff.. well.. let's get both our... couples out here... ya know..   
  
Cloud and Tifa walk out onto the stage, their clothes on a bit awkwardly and their hair ruffled. Aeris suddenly begins to stand up.   
  
Aeris: I'm not.. quite dead yet..   
  
Sephiroth jumps from the ceiling and kills Aeris yet again.   
  
Sephiroth: This is getting a little redundant. Oh well.. I got me a woman!   
  
Sephiroth drags Aeris backstage.   
  
Rinoa and Squall stand up and take a bow.   
  
Raijin: Ha! I'll prove it now ya know!   
  
Raijin quickly throws a cup of water in Squall's face. Small bolts of lightening shoot out from the side of his head and he quickly gets shut off.   
  
Raijin: Hahaha! I knew it ya know! I was right this time, ya know!   
  
Seifer: That's some nice work Raijin. Have a cookie.   
  
Seifer hands Raijin a cookie.   
  
Fujin: This show is just to much for me...   
  
Author/Announcer: Zzzzz...Zzzzz..   
  
The author's head then falls forward and smashes into the keyboard. 


	4. More couples! Wild free roaming turkeys ...

Author's Notes: I just keep writing these things at the request of my...4 fans... *sniff* it makes me soooo happy.. well here we go, yet another fanfiction done. And remember, I don't own any of this stuff.   
And thanks to all those reviewing, it makes me feel special! Keep reviewing, and now onto the show!   
  
  
The Fujin Kazeno Show   
  
Announcer: Welcome once again good viewers! It's time for another wonderful session of the Fujin Kazeno show! Today, our most dear Fu-sama will be helping more couples, all the while celebrating the turn of the seasons and the upcoming holidays! So here she is, the one eyed goddess of giving.. HEEEEEEEEERRRRRREEEEEE'SSSSSSSSSS FUJIN!!!!!!   
  
Fujin walks out to her desk, which is decorated with small Thanksgiving trinkets.   
  
Fujin:..WHAT IS THIS?   
  
Raijin: I did it Fu-sama! To give the show a more friendly style, ya know!   
  
Seifer: Yeah yeah... why the hell do I have to wear this?! ::Seifer points up at the Pilgrim hat on his head::   
  
Raijin: I thought it was cool, ya know.   
  
Seifer: Cool huh? Well then.. explain what all these friggin turkeys are doing on the stage!!   
  
Raijin looks down at all the free turkeys roaming about on stage.   
  
Raijin: Well.. I just couldn't watch them get killed, ya know!   
  
Fujin:.. SILENCE! WHO FIRST!?   
  
Raijin: Huh? Oh right! The next couple is Zidane and Garnet from Final Fantasy 9!   
  
Fujin: WELCOME!   
  
Garnet and Zidane walk out onto the stage.   
  
Garnet: How do you do? I am Princess Garnet til Alexandro..   
  
Zidane quickly cuts her off by moving in front of her and staring at Fujin.   
  
Zidane: Well hello there! Care to come ride me?.. I mean with me on my airship? It would be magical!   
  
Garnet slaps Zidane upside the head and points to the chair. Zidane quickly has a seat. Seifer points at Zidane and laughs.   
  
Seifer: You are SOO carpet bagged!   
  
Fujin turns and glares menacingly at Seifer.   
  
Seifer: ...Sorry mistress..   
  
Fujin: DAMN STRAIGHT.   
  
Garnet: Well, my problem is that my Zidane is a bit of a letch. It makes me worry because he constantly disappears and then appears again with another woman.   
  
Zidane: Zidane wants poontang!   
  
Garnet: Quiet you!   
  
Zidane: Quit sassin me woman!   
  
Garnet: You and your sassin! You probally haven't the slightest clue towards what sass is!   
  
Zidane: There you go again! Keep sassin me woman and I'll take off my belt!   
  
Garnet: What belt? That's an electric cord!   
  
Zidane: Don't bad mouth my choice in clothes!   
  
Raijin: My pants are just a garbage bag ya know.   
  
Fujin snaps her fingers and two security guards come out and remove the bickering couple.   
  
Seifer: Since when did we have security guards?   
  
Raijin: Yeah seriously ya know.   
  
Fujin: SHUT UP. WHO NEXT?   
  
Raijin: Ohhh.. ummm.. uhhh.. ohh it's Selphie Tilmitt and Irvine Kinneas!   
  
Irvine and Selphie walk out and take their seats. Selphie slowly starts sliding her chair closer to Fujin.   
  
Irvine: Hi there!   
  
Selphie: Hello Miss Disciplinary Committee.   
  
Fujin & Seifer: ......   
  
Raijin: Hey! You talk a lot like that Anonymous person, ya know!   
  
Selphie's chair is now right next to Fujin.   
  
Audience Chant: WE-LOVE-LESBIANS! WE-LOVE-LESBIANS!   
  
Seifer: And when the hell did we get the Jerry Springer audience!? Get the hell outta here!   
  
The audience disperses.   
  
Fujin: Okay.. you're creeping me out..   
  
Selphie: Booyaka! That's the plan!   
  
Irvine: You know Fujin.. it has come to my attention that my Selphie might not be interested in me..   
  
Seifer: I'd say..   
  
Selphie suddenly leaps from her chair and pulls Fujin into a fierce embrace.   
  
Selphie: I love you Fu-chan!!   
  
Fujin: Get it off of me!!!!!   
  
Fujin kicks Selphie onto the ground. Selphie struggles to get up but gets attacked by the roaming turkeys.   
  
Irvine: Selphie!!! NOOOO!!!!   
  
Seifer: Face the facts man.. she was a lesbian.   
  
Audience Chorus: WE-LOVE-LESBIANS! WE-LOVE-LESBIANS!   
  
Raijin: Where are they coming from?   
  
Seifer: Ya know something Fu? Of all the couples that show up on this show, you have helped 1 out of 4..and you managed to kill 3 guests with your show.   
  
Fujin: ......MY BAD.   
-----------------------------------------------------------------------   
  
Announcer: And now it's time for Fu's Final Thoughts...   
  
Fujin's coffee mug flies from nowhere and pelts the announcer in the head.   
  
Announcer: Or... or we could just end the show..   
  
The announcer runs off to get a bandage while the screen fades to black. 


	5. Happy Easter and Merry Attacking Bunnies...

Author's Notes: I'M SO SORRY! I didn't mean for the next chapter to take this long! I started slacking and it all piled on me! Anyways, I don't own FF8 or it's characters... you know the rest..  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Announcer: Welcome ladies and gentlemen! It's time once again as our aggrivated albino bedazzles us on this most happy Easter holiday! So here she is, the disgruntled queen of child care.... HEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRRRREEEEEEE'SSSSSS FUJIN!  
  
Camera cuts to Fujin, who is sitting at her desk... which, much like the floor, is covered with white bunny rabbits.  
  
Fujin: I......HATE......BUNNIES!  
  
Seifer: Heh... you called em bunnies...  
  
Fujin: SILENCE!  
  
Seifer: Yes ma'am..  
  
Raijin: But Fu-Sama! It's Easter ya know! We have to make ourselves seem like kind people ya know!  
  
Fujin: I HATE BUNNIES!!!!  
  
Raijin: How do you expect to deal with kids if you can't deal with little rabbits ya know?  
  
Fujin: KIDS ACCEPTABLE! RABBITS DISTURBING!  
  
Raijin(turning to the camera): No time to argue ya know. Today, Fu-sama will be talking with kids and their loving parents ya know! So here's our first two.... straight from Final Fantasy 7, it's Barret and his little girl Marlene!  
  
The two enter and have a seat on the couch, holding hands.   
  
Audience: AWWWW!!  
  
Fujin: WELCOME!  
  
Barret: Yeah yeah.. when are we getting paid?!  
  
Marlene: .......  
  
Raijin: You'll be paid after the show ya know.  
  
Seifer: No you won't... I've been working here for several chapters now and I still haven't been paid.  
  
Raijin: .....you're right ya know! I haven't been paid either ya know!  
  
The two turn and stare at Fujin.  
  
Fujin: Ummm....... GUEST! RIGHT! HOW IS MARLENE?  
  
Barret: Oh she's great. I still love her like she was my own daughta!  
  
Marlene: ...you mean I'm not?  
  
Barret: Like my own daughta!  
  
Raijin: You're name sounds a lot like ferret ya know.  
  
Barret: What the $%#$@# did you say?!  
  
Raijin: Well it's true... Barret Ferret. That's pretty cool to say ya know. BARRET FERRET!  
  
Barret lifts up his gun arm and starts firing.  
  
Barret: $#@%#@$# $@#$%@$#@ @$#%@$#%@!!!!  
  
Seifer: Wow... that's the most little marks I've ever seen...  
  
Fujin: How does someone actually say that? Is it some kind of sound effect?  
  
They all look backstage at the author, who looks back and shrugs.  
  
Raijin: STOP CURSING IN FRONT OF THE CHILD YA KNOW!!  
  
Raijin slaps his hands over Marlene's ears.  
  
Marlene: Ow! My $#%@$#ing ears! You #%$$@#$#$moron!  
  
Fujin: THIS IS TRYING MY PATIENCE...  
  
Fujin snaps her fingers and security removes Barret and his foul mouthed daughter.  
  
Fujin: WHO NEXT?  
  
Raijin: Umm.... next up is Laguna Loire and a Chibi-Squall!  
  
The two walk out and have a seat. Laguna's leg cramps as he enters though and he falls face first into the pack of rabbits. The rabbits quickly swarm onto him and he rolls off stage, trying to remove the offending critters.  
  
Chibi Squall stares at Fujin and Fujin stares right back. Sweat begins to form on both of their forehead's, as the stare off continues.  
  
Raijin: Is this even humanly possible ya know?  
  
Seifer: Who the $#@# cares... everything else has happened on this show.  
  
Seifer glares at the author.  
  
Author: What? You want some of this little man? I'll write you up as yaoi again buddy!  
  
Seifer: ........  
  
Chibi Squall(in a high pitched, choir boy voice): ....whatever.  
  
Fujin: HA! YOU BLINKED!  
  
Raijin: Hmm... time's almost up today Fu! Time for your special segment. Better make it short though ya know.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Announcer: And now it's time for Fu's Words Of Wisdom. Let us all bask in the golden knowledge that is Fu.  
  
Fujin: Children suck. Don't have them. Cursing in front of kids is wrong. Bunnies are evil.  
  
Seifer: Heheheheheheheh.... bunnies....  
  
Fujin: RAGE!!!  
  
Fujin leaps from her desk and tackles Seifer, pummeling him into unconciousness.  
  
Announcer: Umm.... well.... good bye folks....  
  
The screen fades as Raijin sneaks up behind the Chibi-Squall, a glass of water in his hand. 


	6. Evolving! Oh Joy!

The Fujin Show  
  
Announcer: Greetings freaks and fruitcakes! It's time for The Fujin Show to evolve to the next level of fanfiction entertainment! That's right! It's time to get interactive with you, the reader!! So from now on, there will be a special segment in each episode of the Fu Show called Fu's Letter Bag!!! I want YOU ::Points to the reader:: to send any questions you may have for Fujin to my email account and after being put through rigorous tests, it MIGHT get put into the fic! Hurray! I want all of you to write with questions, no matter how stupid they might be! Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to keep writing this Seifuu I've been workin on.. c ya folks!  
  
Fujin and Seifer, sitting in the background, crack their knuckles.  
  
Seifer: Yeah we wanted to talk with you about that Seifuu...  
  
Fujin: RAGE!  
  
Announcer: Umm.... help me..... 


	7. Helium and CatGirls!

Author's Notes: On a little note here, I need more letters! Come on people! Send me questions! Any questions at all! You have a question for Fujin, send it off! No matter how stupid or perverse! Send away and it might be in here! Imagine... your name in my fic! Anywho.. insert disclaimer here. blah blah blah  
  
The Fujin Kazeno Show  
  
Announcer: Greetings minna-san! It's time once again for our favorite red eyed queen of monosyllabism to host her show! Today is a special episode though, as Fu will be starting the new special segment on the show, Fu's Letter Bag! So give it up for the albino of the people... HEEEEEERRRRRRREEEEEEEE'SSSS FUJIN!  
  
Camera cuts to Fujin, who is sitting at her desk sipping her coffee. Raijin is in the background inflating balloons with a helium tank.  
  
Raijin: Yo there everyone! Don't mind me, I'm just decorating the area for the event tonight, ya know. Seifer, could you take over for me and introduce our guest tonight?  
  
Seifer: Ha! Finally I get my chance! Of course I will Raij, my dear old pal!  
  
Fujin: SEIFER! SIT!  
  
Seifer sits back down behind the camera.  
  
Fujin: RAIJIN! COME!  
  
Raijin: Ah! Coming Fu-sama!  
  
Raijin runs up front and makes a salute at Fujin.  
  
Fujin: BETTER.  
  
Seifer: Why the hell must HE do the show? I can do it better!  
  
Raijin: Oh like last time ya know?  
  
Seifer: Oh I am so going to beat you down..  
  
Fujin: SILENCE!!  
  
Raijin(voice slightly higher): I'd like to see you try ya know! I'm a lot stronger then you ya know!  
  
Seifer(voice gradually getting higher pitched): Maybe physically yeah, but ya lack in the BRAINS department!  
  
Raijin: !!!  
  
Fujin(in a squeaky, high pitched voice): SILENCE!  
  
Fujin quickly slaps a hand over her mouth.  
  
Seifer(voice pitched like a chipmunk on speed): Hahahahahahahahahaha!  
  
Fujin tosses her cup of coffee at Seifer. It connects with his forehead and the coffee spills on him.  
(AN: From now on, so I don't have to keep writing it, just imagine the characters with extreme levels of helium in the air.)  
  
Seifer: AH! SON OF A %#$@!  
  
Raijin: Hahaha! Serves ya right ya know!  
  
Fujin: STOP!!  
  
Both Raijin and Seifer stop and look at Fujin. They look ready to burst out with laughter, which they quickly do.   
  
Fujin(blushing): SHUT UP!  
  
Both quickly shut up.  
  
Raijin: I should go fix the tank ya know.   
  
Raijin wanders backstage to fix the machine.  
  
Fujin(yelling at Raijin from her desk): WHO GUEST?  
  
Raijin: ......they left ya know!  
  
Fujin: WHAT?!  
  
Raijin: We had Tidus from Final Fantasy 10 here, but he left..  
  
Fujin: RAGE!  
  
Seifer: Hahahaha! You sound like one of those anime catgirls with the high pitched voices!  
  
Fujin: CATGIRL?  
  
Seifer: Yeah definately! Here hold on a sec...   
  
Seifer runs backstage and runs back with a cat ears headband. He places them on Fujin's head.  
  
Seifer(giggling like a school girl): Now say something and end it with nyo.  
  
Fujin: NO!  
  
Seifer: Come on!.....please?  
  
Fujin: ..........  
  
Seifer(giving Fujin his best pleading look): Please?  
  
Fujin: This is so degrading... nyo.  
  
Seifer: HAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Fujin: RAIJIN!   
  
Raijin: Wha?  
  
Fujin: FINISHED?  
  
Raijin: No ya know. A knob broke off and I can't get it back on ya know!  
  
Fujin: ARGH!  
  
Seifer: HAHAHAHAHA! LIKE A CATGIRL!! HAHAHAHA!!!!!  
  
Fujin: At least I sound like a catgirl and not a chipmunk on speed!  
  
Seifer: WHA? I do not sound like that!  
  
Fujin: Oh yes you do! The author said you do, so you do!  
  
Seifer slaps a hand over his mouth.  
  
Fujin: HAHAHAHA!  
  
Seifer: CATGIRL!  
  
Fujin: CHIPMUNK!  
  
Seifer: CATGIRL!!!!  
  
Fujin: CHIPMUNK!!!!  
  
Seifer: ONE EYED CATGIRL!!!!!!  
  
Fujin: RAGE!   
  
Fujin jumps from her desk and begins beating on Seifer.  
  
Raijin calls out from backstage.  
  
Raijin: Well I found the knob! I should have it fixed in a bit. Might as well get ready for the special segment!  
  
Fujin stands up and walks away from the fallen and beaten Seifer.  
  
Fujin: RIGHT!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Announcer: Alrighty people! Lucky throughout this entire episode, I didn't have to say anything so you don't have to think about what I'd sound like on helium.... oh wait now that I said that you'll think about it.... don't think about it! Anyways, it's time for the premiere of the new special segment, Fu's Letter Bag! Time for Raijin to take over and read the first letter to Fu!  
  
Raijin: Thanks Mr Announcer Author Guy! I'm so excited ya know! This should be great getting actual letters from you guys! Well our first letter is from... ribbetfrog! And he writes:  
  
Dear Fujin,  
  
Do you like frogs, newts, turtles, and all other cuddly animals? if not, i'll  
call P.E.T.A. on you.  
  
~ribbetfrog  
p.s. Rabbits are evil. they attack me and leave scars o.o;;;  
  
Fujin: CUDDLY? NO!  
  
Seifer: She just doesn't want to admit that she likes polar bears. You should see it, she sleeps with a stuffed one. She even called me her 'big stuffed cuddly teddy' this one time when...  
  
Seifer looks at Fujin, who has the look of death on her face.  
  
Seifer: Umm... I'll shut up..  
  
Fujin: IN RESPONSE. NO. CUDDLY SUCKS.   
  
Seifer: .......liar...  
  
Fujin: Say another word and I castrate you....  
  
Seifer: Yes ma'am, Ms CatGirl ma'am!  
  
Fujin: BETTER!........nyo.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
AN: Well that's it for now... please send more questions to me people! Send them to godofthewired@hotmail.com and remember, the more often I get questions, the more often new chapters for the Fu Show will appear! Sayonara! 


	8. Tidus and more letters!

Author's Notes: .........I am SOOO disappointed. I write that new chapter, I get 1 letter, and you people don't REVIEW! GRAH why the hell I even bother to write baffles the mind! If you people want this show to continue, some appreciation would be nice!  
  
  
The Fujin Kazeno Show  
  
Announcer: Welcome one and all! It's time once again for The Fujin Kazeno Show! He have many special treats in store today, so I hope you all enjoy! So here she is, the president of the Albinos in Video Games Club... HEEEEEREEEEEEE'SSSS FUJIN!  
  
Camera cuts to Fujin, seated at her desk while Seifer works the camera. Raijin can be seen in the background grabbing a donut.  
  
Fujin: GREETINGS.  
  
Raijin: Hiya everyone ya know! Today we have a special guest! Why it's none other then Final Fantasy 10's Tidus!! Wow I can't wait to meet him! He looks so life like!  
  
Seifer: Hmph... but his weapon sucks... and who the hell has ever heard of blitzball!?  
  
Raijin: You're just jealous...  
  
Fujin: SILENCE! TIDUS, WELCOME.  
  
Tidus walks out as an applause comes from the audience.  
  
Tidus: How's it going?  
  
Raijin quickly runs up to him.  
  
Raijin: Would you mind signing this picture for me?  
  
Tidus signs the picture and hands it back.  
  
Fujin: BOTHERING GUEST!  
  
Tidus: No it's no trouble..  
  
Seifer: Well I got a question for ya... why in the name of god does no one ever call you by your name in FFX?  
  
Tidus: Well.... umm..  
  
Seifer: I mean even Squall got called by his first name... but no one ever calls you Tidus... I wonder why that is?  
  
Tidus is now sweating heavily.  
  
Seifer: And another thing, why are all of the names of swords in your game nothing but repeats... I mean the Lionheart come on! What were your writers sitting on your ass and just figured it'd be easier to use old names? And another thing, what was up with the ending in 10? I just hated the damn thing... I mean did you come back or did you die?  
  
Tidus: ............  
  
Seifer: And yet ANOTHER thing...  
  
Finally, Tidus leaps up and runs away, screaming.  
  
Fujin: SEIFER!  
  
Seifer: What? That little twit deserved it!  
  
Fujin: I never even asked him anything! And he left last time because of the little helium incident... We'll never get a FFX character to come in at this rate!  
  
Seifer: Who needs that weak sports playing jock when you have your handsome knight?  
  
Fujin clocks Seifer in the head with her coffee mug.  
  
Fujin(turning to the author): Any way we can get him back?  
  
Author: No.... I don't feel like writing him anymore... I agree with Seifer though he sucked anyways....  
  
Seifer hands the author a bad with a big dollar sign on it. Watching this, Fujin raises an eyebrow.  
  
Author: Why yes Seifer....... I will take this laundry to my laundromat for you..  
  
Fujin: RAGE!  
  
Author: Oh shit!   
  
Fujin leaps over her desk and stalks over to the author and Seifer slowly.   
  
Seifer: Do something!  
  
Author(running over to the computer in the back): I'll write us into the next scene!  
  
Fujin grabs Seifer and begins to strangle him.  
  
Fujin: RAGE! You won't ruin my show anymor  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Announcer: Alright it's time for more of Fu's Letter Bag! Take it away Raijin!  
  
Raijin: Okay then! We have 3 letters today for our dearest Fu-sama! The first letter for today comes from.. WolfwoodTheCross! And it reads...  
  
Dear Fujin,  
  
This question keeps coming to my attention, and I was wondering if you could answer it for me.... Where's the beef?  
  
Seifer: In my pants!  
  
Fujin: Moron...... QUESTION STUPID! SENDER RETARD!  
  
Seifer: I don't know.... I think this person makes an interesting point...  
  
Fujin: Retards do think alike...  
  
Raijin: Wow.... that question boggles my mind ya know...  
  
Fujin(mumbling): Surrounded by idiots.....  
  
Raijin: Well let's see... the next question is from Trull1412 and it reads...  
  
Dear Fujin,  
  
Do you count how many times you kick Raijin in the shins? If so, how many times have you done it?  
  
Fujin: KNOW NOT.  
  
Raijin: My doctor says humans can't count that high...... but he also says my shins are going to snap in a couple of years...  
  
Fujin: MORON! RAGE!   
  
She kicks Raijin in the shin.  
  
Raijin: OWWW Jeez! I heard a snap that time!......Anywho, the next question comes from a guy named Wes ya know! He asks...  
  
Fujin,  
  
When was your last sexual experience and what was it?  
  
Fujin blushes heavily.  
  
Seifer: I think I can answer that one!  
  
Fujin(frantically while blushing): SHUT UP SEIFER!  
  
Seifer: Just before the show started, Fu came into my dressing room when I was getting ready and she  
  
Fujin: SHUT UP!  
  
Fujin tackles, then stands up and rapidly kicks Seifer in the stomach.  
  
Seifer: And OOOOOF... she pulled down... ACK... i will not be.... si...len...ced....  
  
Seifer blacks out while Fujin tapes his mouth shut.  
  
Fujin: ANSWER, NONE OF BUSINESS!  
  
Raijin: Well I have this video tape! Let's watch shall we ya know?  
  
Fujin: AHH! RAGE!  
  
Fujin leaps at the VCR and tears it to pieces with her bare hands.  
  
Raijin: .......good thing I made dvd copies ya know..  
  
Announcer: Which are now available for $29.99 a piece! Order now!  
  
Suddenly, the sound of a steaming tea kettle echoes throughout the stage. Everyone turns to Fujin, red in the face, her eye twitching. She slowly lifts up a large baseball bat with barbwire.  
  
Author: RUN AWAY!  
  
Raijin and the author dash away, causing Fu to give chase, screaming profanities.  
  
Seifer(voice muffled behind gag): n.. sh... skd... t..... 


End file.
